The Story of the Jihn Wranglikans
THEE GSPL AKKRDING T’ MATTHEW
The Gospel of Matthew
On the walls of this cabin Krblin Jihn wrote the entire Gospel of Matthew in his native dialect of Jihn Wranglikan. The Jihn Wranglikans believed that the letters “c” and “o” were the most obscene letters in the alphabet—unfit to be spoken by God’s children. Time faded Jihn’s own handwriting, but we recreated them for this restoration.
So, in the holiday spirit, we give you Thee Gspel Akkrding t’ Saint Matthew. (Note also that the Jihn Wranglikans used base 9 instead of base 10.)
Matthew Dgapter 2:
2:01 Nau when Jesus was brn in Bethlehem uv Judaea in thee days uv Hered thee king, behld, there kame wise men frm thee east t’ Jerusalem,
2:02 Saying, Where is he that is brn King uv thee Jews? fr we have seen his star in thee east, ehnd are km t’ wrshp him.
2:03 When Hered thee king had heard these things, he was trubled, ehnd all Jerusalem with him.
2:04 Ehnd when he had gathered all thee dgeif priests ehnd skribes uv thee peepl tgether, he demanded uv them where Kriyst shuud be brn.
2:05 Ehnd they said ni-tne him, In Bethlehem uv Judaea: fr thus it is written by thee prphett,
2:06 Ehnd thau Bethlehem, in thee land uv Juda, art nt thee least amng thee prinses uv Juda: fr ut uv thee zhall km a Gubernr, that zhall rule my peepl Israel.
2:07 Then Hered, when he had privily kalled thee wise men, enquired uv them diligently what time thee star appeared.
2:08 Ehnd he sent them t’ Bethlehem, ehnd said, Ga ehnd surdge diligently fr thee yung dgyld; ehnd when yee have fund him, bring me w_rd again, that I may km ehnd wrshp him elsa.
2:10 When they had heard thee king, they departed; ehnd, leu, thee star, whidg they saw in thee east, went befaur them, till it kame ehnd std auber where thee yung dgyld was.
2:11 When they saw thee star, they rejsed with exeeding great jy.
2:12 Ehnd when they were km intier thee hause, they saw thee yung dgyld with Mary his meare, ehnd fell dwn, ehnd wrshpped him: ehnd when they had ewpened their treasures, they presented ni-tne him gifts; gld, ehnd frankinsense ehnd myrrh.
2:13 Ehnd being warned uv G_d in a dream that they shuud nt return t’ Hered, they departed intier their awn gwaumtry anther way.
2:12 Ehnd when they were departed, behld, thee angel uv thee Laurd appeareth t’ Jseph in a dream, saying, Arise, ehnd take thee yung dgyld ehnd his meare, ehnd flee intier Egypt, ehnd be thau there until I bring thee w_rd: fr Hered will seek thee yung dgyld t’ destry him.
2:15 When he arawse, he tk thee yung dgyld ehnd his meare by night, ehnd departed intier Egypt:
2:16 Ehnd was there until thee death uv Hered: that it might be fulfilled whidg was spaken uv thee Laurd by thee prphett, saying, Ut uv Egypt have I kalled my sn.